June 21, 2022
Less than two weeks left in the hotel
before we had to leave
our funding for our stay was being cut
9 months pregnant
out of work
one month into running
hiding
stopped showing up to teach Sunday school
9 months had passed
it felt so packed
The doctor is telling me its time to push
an in an instant
this short time I have to bond with my baby
for the first time
there was no time to hug you in my tummy
sing to you
or listen to your heartbeat
I couldn't feel you kick
over panic attacks
I couldn't sing to you
while sobbing in pain
I couldn't feel for you while I was scared for my life
When the doctor came in the room
social services not far behind
right after you entered the world
probing to see if I'm fit to be a mother
"Please don't take my baby"
is all I could ponder
I did spend some time talking to your dad about you
We thought we'd name you glory to keep the G sisters
But he didn't want you to be made fun of
Even your aunt/gram, Gloria loved it
Life got scarier
out of control
Faith was all I could hold onto
Scared to push any more
I don't have anything left
but with a little faith
I got stronger and stronger
little faith makes life sweeter
when life is bitter
Thats why you're my sweet one
my go getter
Crying
with faith the size of a mustard seed
closed my eyes
"ready?" said the doctor
"play push it by salt and peppa"
15 minute later
a miracle
blessing
fear gripped my soul
clouded my life
but ever since I heard them say
"You did the right thing mom, it all going to work out"
have faith
We had nowhere to go
no place to call home
But God led us to my birthplace
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding
in all your ways submit to him
and he will make your paths straight
proverbs 3:5&6
I can't go back and measure your heart beats or map all of your kicks
But I can now
little by little
have Faith
God knew I needed you
stronger with faith
Thank you, Jesus, for my miracle child
my lil faith
big blessing
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