Why it Takes Women 7 Times to Leave

Therapist say it takes

7 times for a women to leave an abusive and toxic partner for good

Most women are seeking validation from their partners because we were never validated growing up. In the beginning of a toxic relationship you are loved and comforted better than you have ever experienced. You get a high from that affection. So when it wears off you will do anything to get it back from that person. Even accept their cheap bread crumbs to get you back with out any effort or willingness to love you differently. Yes, long term relationships love will change but it should never demean you. Once we realize our worth is not tied to our partner the more we can break the cycle of that damaging trauma bond that has wrecked havoc on us and our ancestors.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. That makes us a masterpiece the enemy will spend the rest of our life seeking to kill and destroy. To have peace that surpasses all understanding we must recognize who we are in Christ Jesus. A child of the most high.

A proverbs 31 women is far more precious than jewels and an excellent wife.  She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household. With the work of her hand she dresses herself with strength and makes her arm strong—she literally doesn’t need a man. A viper will only destroy her purpose, in the name of Jesue a man will build her up to her calling. Her husband has a good name. Her children rise and call her blessed and so does her husband. Give her the fruit of her hands. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. This is the word of God. It is true and the opposite is a lie from the pit of hell. Why do we believe the lie? Women, here are my 7 reasons why.

1. Most relationships start in a dry wilderness season. Having someone for the solo reason of not being lonely. They gave life in a season that felt lifeless and open for a thrill. The relationship grows sour and they realize long before you do that they are your source of living. Anything done apart from them is controlled by the time with them. We know this can’t be love but it’s easier to burn our hand than to let go. When we attempt to let go those same feelings of loneliness creep in and we go right back to the burning pot just to feel something again. We didn’t take the time we needed to learn how to breathe without them. Your source of life has to come from within. A women’s intuition is a gift from the Holy Spirit that will only guide you to what is good. A solid foundation to rebuild something stable to withstand lonely dry seasons.

2. You don’t actually believe that you deserve better.

3. History keeps serenading you back. You know better is out there and you believe it for your friend, sister, co worker, neighbor, influencer but You don’t believe YOU deserve better. That’s trauma. All you have ever known is what you have seen. Even in the generations before you haven’t really witnessed better. History has taught you to put yourself on the back burner and keep what is broken because it’s better than starting over. We cover that with the saying “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” but truth is, it’s broke and instead of putting it in the trash where it belongs, you keep putting bandaids all over bandaids. The affects of trauma are PTSD, anxiety, depression, difficulty regulating emotions and substance abuse. (Google) God can give you more than you can even think or imagine when you let go of what’s broken so that he can heal you from the inside out. Exodus 15:26 I am the Lord who heals you. And restore all that was lost until your cup runeth over. Deuteronomy 30:3 I will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten

   
   

4. Fear. You are afraid to do life apart from them. And truth be told there is an underlying fear that they will harm you more than they already have. If they can claim they love you and have no regard for your emotions and well being than what happens when they are out of your life and no longer love you? The thought of them loving someone else better than the way they loved you makes you sick with anxiety. You need to control if they move on by staying in their life. Control only makes us tense and clenched. Everything else outside of what you are desperately holding control of irritates your whole soul. This past, Sunday my pastor broke down two different types of biblical fear. Fear of the Lord. And a spirit of Fear. God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. An abused women is bed ridden with a spirit of fear because that is exactly how the enemy wants it. You can’t move or think irrationally when you have a spirit of fear. But when you fear the Lord, mountains move.

5. Can’t see how much they are destroying your mind, body and soul

6. Numb to the promise over your life. They have broken you down so far that you are crippled in growing, prospering or even being the version of the woman God has called you to be. The limits that they have set for you live in your head even when you leave, those limits they have placed still surround you. Their limits have become your boundaries. They have convinced you that you have no worth without them. Truth is they never complemented you they degraded you into begging for a crumb of attention. To just be noticed is the bare minimum. Love is of good character that’s why kindness is a prerequisite to the fruit of the spirit. The spirit of Love comes from the God of heaven. You have been robbed of Gods love and grace because they have been blinding you from seeing the kind of love you deserve. You have numbed all that they have put you though. The abuse didn’t go away it’s changed form.

By the 7th you realize you are

Going back to poop

Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before swine less they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you-Matthew 7:6

Looking either for the father we never had or the toxic dad we did have in a partner, we lose sight of our Father in heaven. God is our father but he is not a man. We must look to Jesus for comfort, love and guidance. It is in that we will never be lonely or lost and will be forever valued because in that we give God glory when we love the Lord above anything else in this world. It says in his word that it is not good for man to be alone. God will find you someone that will treat you like the proverbs 31 woman that you have grown to become. You deseare all God has for you. He loves you too much for you to settle for a dusty crusty agent of satan. God will give you all the desires of your heart if you trust him with those details of your needs and wants. Go to God even if it hurts he can handle your pain better than you have ever known, in Jesus name.

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

2 Corinthians 4:8